Best Joke I’ve Heard of Late

Janine was planning a trip to Halifax for business. Her friend Rebecca learned of it urged Janine to absolutely find the best place in town for scrod, a local fish delicacy and to try when she had the chance. Janine faithfully promised her friend that absolutely, yes, she would make time in her schedule to do so.

The week passes with every day being far too busy and Janine too occupied to live up to her promise. In fact, her schedule is so busy that almost the entirety of the week passes by before Janine remembers, finally, on the last day of her visit to Halifax, the promise she had made before she left. Being mindful of this and as her last day of meetings ended early, she decides to go out for dinner and sample the dish.

After a visit to her hotel room for a brief freshening up and a change of clothing, she stepped out of her hotel and hailed a cab.

“Where to, Miss?” asks the cabbie.

“Well, I’ve been in town all week,” she admits, slightly embarassed, “and my schedule hasn’t let me keep a promise I made to my friend. Tonight is the last night that I am here and have the chance to keep it. I would like you to take me to the finest place in town to get scrod.”

The cabbie turns around to face her and looks her square in the eye.

“Miss,’ he said, with a mixture of surprise, disbelief, and grudging respect in his voice, “I’ve been driving cab for 32 years. I’ve had a lot of people ask me that question in a lot of different ways.”

“But this is the first time I’ve had it asked in the pluperfect subjunctive.”

/joke

And pause.

Don’t feel bad if you don’t get it.

In Honor of Black Friday, Here’s Some Martin Luther King Jr., Some Eddie Murphy and Some Nina Simone

I know what you’re going to say, even before you say it.

Black Friday is not about black culture in North America. It is an annual orgiastic greed ritual which is the symbolic firing the starting pistol for the Great American Christmas Shopping Season Race, or as I like to call it, “How Will Your Loved Ones Know You Love Them If You’re Not Bankrupt?” Day. It’s so named because it is a day that retailers are “in the black”, or making a profit.

I won’t go into the gritty details of fights, injuries, fatalities and other tales of human ridiculousness regarding this event, which is revered nearly to the point of religiousness. Have some black culture instead.

Martin Luther King Jr. – ‘I’ve Been To The Mountaintop’

Eddie Murphy – Delirious

Nina Simone – Ain’t Got No… Ain’t Got No Life

The Shakeweight: Suggestive Advertising at it’s Finest

The other night I was just hanging out with my buddy Cbet (of Rhymin’ & Stealin’), playing video games and joking around, watching Survivorman (BTW, Les? If you’re gonna go out into the wilds of Alaska and you’re taking a knife, kayak, dry suit, 5 video cameras, and a nice piece of kit like the Fire Piston, how about packing a pot and a waterskin, too? But I digress…), when on came a commercial for what had to be either the most genius or the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen: The Shakeweight.

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Fine Print: Not Reading It Could Cost You Your Soul. No, Really.

If  you’re like nearly anyone else out there in Internetland,  chances are you’ve signed up for a membership with some sort of site or another. There are thousands of sites that require a registration or some sort of verification process to make sure that you’re you (as opposed to a ‘bot or spammer): Hotmail, Craigslist, Youtube and Ebay to name a few.

If you’re like most people, chances are that when you sign up for these sites and services you skip over the fine print or at most, give it a skim and then click the “I Accept” button at the bottom.

If you’re like most people, you can’t be bothered to take the time to sort through the (usually deliberately obfuscating) legal jargon to find out what you’re really giving away when you do ( I know I do!), because….  well, frankly, in my case, I can’t stand overly complex language; reading it is a chore akin to trying to walk though a muddy bog with too big, thigh-high boots; it doesn’t sound like fun to begin with, and you can’t help but feel like taking a shower when you’re done.

So in what is, in my opinion, the ultimate April Fool’s prank, UK game retailer Gamestation slipped a clause in their TOS which granted them ownership of 7500 people’s souls, or 88% of their customers that day.

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