Depression: The World’s Most Popular Endurance Race

DepbrainThis post has unusually somber tone for my blog. Depending on your reaction, I apologize, or fuck you, it’s my blog.

You can sort out who’s who.

Some, but not all of you know that I’ve been wrestling with bout of severe depression for the past several years. While I’ve received support from the most unlikely of places, I have also received counter-support from even unlikelier sources. I didn’t write this post as a means of whingeing about my state, but as a means for people to understand exactly what all sufferers of depression experience, and how we go through our daily lives.

I know a lot of people won’t get it. I know a lot of people will say, “Come on, stop being such a pussy and snap out of it.” or “Well, that’s life. Get over it.” or “Stop complaining! There are so many people who have it worse than you do.” or “Oh, come on, everyone gets depressed. You just need to put things in perspective.”

I envy those people. I envy them because they don’t understand. I envy them because they’ve never experienced true depression.

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Dogs in pants? What the hell….?!

I bet you’re wondering, ” ‘Dogs in Pants’? What’s this about?”

OK, so it refers to a joke that I fire out  from time to time and it’s a play on my heritage. My dad used to try to tell me jokes all the time and they, more often than not, fell flatter than a portable hole.

Italian jokes told by older italian men are…..  well…  kinda lame. Seriously. I’ve never found any jokes told by old Italian men to be funny. Invariably they’re of the set ’em up/knock ’em down variety, à la:

“Ey! You know whattsa funny? Dis is-a funny! You know else isa funny? Dat’s-a funny!”

So the joke goes like this (and don’t forget to put on your best bad Italian accent, heavy on the hand gestures):

One Italian guy says to another, “Ey! You know whattsa funny?”

Other Italian guy says, “I donno, you telle me whattsa funny.”

1st Italian guy, “Dogsa inna pants! Look! ‘Eetsa dog! He’sa wearina pants!”

The other Italian guy slaps himself on the forehead and says, “Mama-mia! ‘Eessa right! Luigi! Come ‘ere, you gotta lissen a-diss!”

And repeat.

Funny thing is, I find half-Italians laugh at the joke harder than anyone. A buddy of mine told his Italian co-worker and he (my buddy) thought his co-woker was gonna die!


Now you know. Go forth and multiply.

Just kidding. You’re probably not the best candidate for it anyway.