In this posting, I post a love letter to an anonymous recipient. While this particular post is out of the usual character of DogsinPants, and is also deeply personal, I was convinced by a friend that it was too good not to publish. Names and dates have been changed to ensure anonymity. The reader is addressed directly — “My Dear X” — a format borrowed from the Art of Mentoring series.
December 14, xxxx
Today is the anniversary of the last day I saw you with my own eyes. To say the least, it’s been a day of reflection for me. I often spend time in memory, most of that is memory of you, if I’m honest.
I miss you. There hasn’t been a single day since I left that I haven’t thought of you. I know you don’t want to get maudlin about it so I won’t dwell on it, but I had to tell you.
I’m sorry it took so long to send you your things; I wanted to send them long before now but I didn’t want to send them without a letter, and this letter has taken me a long time to write, just to get my head in the right place and to find the right words and to be really sure about the things I said. I didn’t want to get them wrong.
I also believed that if I still had some token of yours that I still had a part of you and that I still had a connection, however tenuous, with you. I still believe it, but I know beliefs can be wrong.
Of all the things I miss about the city, you are first and most. By a long, long shot.
Our time together was one of the most worthwhile, rewarding, challenging and happiest times in my life, and I am grateful to have ever met you. You taught me so very much and I was continually amazed by you; by your kindness, by your passion, by your strength and by your ability to love without fear.
I had forgotten that. I had forgotten how to love without fear. I was always afraid; afraid to say it or to feel it. I was afraid that you would fall in love with me and I would hurt you or that I would fall in love with you and you would hurt me. I’m not afraid anymore, even if it is a bit of closing the barn door after the horses have already run off.
I love you. I always have. I’m sorry it took so long to say it outright. No matter what happens, no matter how long I live, you will always own a piece of my heart.
I’m sorry for a lot of things, but most of all I’m sorry I didn’t give you a real chance. You were the best thing that has happened to me in long memory and I never gave you the benefit of the doubt. I let my fears get the better of me. I’m sorry for that and I’m sorry that we never got a chance because of that. I was a fool.
The last thing I want to say is thank you. Thank you for gracing my life with yours, for spending your time with me, for teaching me some of what you know, for shaping me into something better.